The fine line of parental advice

My son is the most outgoing person I know. From an early age, he would walk into a room and say, "Does anyone want to be my friend?" We lovingly refer to him as the Mayor because when we take walks he has to say hello to everyone we meet. He knows everyone and no one is a stranger for long.

That is why it is so hard as a parent to hear him say that he has no friends at school. There is one boy that is his best friend, but he is not in my son's class. When I drop my son off at school, is immediately runs to the playground and there is a girl who is older that allows him to chase her around. They have fun, but again, she is not in his class. Which makes recess lonely for my outgoing little man.

So what do we do as a parent? The first instict is to protect and to right the wrongs... not what is really needed here, though. So I let my son talk. And then I have to tell him that not everyone is going to be his friend even though he wants to be theirs. People are different with different interests and that is okay. If those kids don't want to include him then he needs to find other kids to play with. They won't let him in his club, start his own club.

Still I now watch the clock and when my son is out at recess, I pray that he is not feeling lonely because that is the last thing a mom wants and listening, reassuring, and giving hugs is the best thing I can do for him. This will not be the last time he will go through this, and I have to learn to sit back and gently encourage him from afar.

Then there is the child who was the rules breaker from day one. The child who despite what you said made the wrong choices over and over breaking your heart on a daily basis. Now he is an adult. Finally, we are seeing him make choices that put a glimmer of hope back in us. Choices that make us say, "Yes. He was listening after all." But now that son is learning a very hard lesson with these choices.

Sometimes the RIGHT choice is not the easiest, nor is it always the most popular. Making the right choice sometimes puts you on the outside looking in with those that you love. Again, as a parent you want to rush in, defend your child. While a small part of you also wants to gloat, just a tiny bit and say, "see, this is what you used to do to us," that was not the first emotion to hit or even to prevail.

Our role as parents is to guide. We talk with our children. We set the example. Then we have to sit back and hope they get it. So what do you do when they finally DO get it and it blows up in their face?

We tell them we are proud of them. We tell them to stand by their convictions, hold their head up high, and never compromise from what they know is right.

Being a parent can bring us many, many moments of joy, but it can also be a struggle when our emotions get in our way. So every night I pray that the way we have chosen to be parents, the choices we make as parents, that in the end helps our children in a positive way.


Now, on a completely different note, I want to send a BIG THANK YOU to Rachel Dawson for my beautiful new title header for my blog. I love it, Rachel.